My own worst enemy

"First, I would tell you that you are awesome! You have willingly chosen to do something that will probably cause you to lose a little blood, gain a few scars, and be cooler than a lot of other people in the world. Also know that there are more women out there who want to see you succeed and fall in love with this sport than you can believe. We’re here to support and encourage you."

 

'I did okay.'

That's my usual response when people ask how my latest race went. I often find I downplay my efforts and performance instead of being proud of what I accomplished. It is no secret that I am uber competitive in almost everything I do.

I started mountain bike racing this summer and it has brought a lot of challenge, accomplishment and crashes to my world. Thursday nights are a great opportunity to get out and try racing at Buck Hill. There is a category for any skill level and all ages. My first attempt to race was on my single speed fat bike, which is bulky and heavy! I went out for a practice lap before the race and knew I was going to be tired by the end of it.

Fat Alice is ready to race!

The start of the race brings you from the bottom of Buck Hill and uses switchback trails to lead you a good portion of the way to the top. You then head into the woods for a little singletrack riding before climbing another big hill and more singletrack. Halfway up the first climb I didn't think I was going to be able to finish. Getting into the second section of singletrack and finding my groove made things easier and I committed to finishing the three loops of the race no matter how long it took me. A little over halfway through my first lap, my chain fell off, and resulted in me losing slight control over my handlebars, and hitting my knee really hard. I stopped and put my chain back on, got back on the bike and took a few pedal strokes only to experience terrible pain. I was hopeful the pain in my knee would calm down once I started riding again. I took a few more pedal strokes around the next corner and all of a sudden my chain snapped! I pulled off to the side and looked back on the trail to see my chain laying there like a snake. Now what was I supposed to do??? I was mad because I couldn't fix this while I was out there and my knee was really sore!

I managed to find my way out of the woods and coasted my chainless bike down the road into the parking lot. At this point I realized I wasn't going to finish the race, which was a really hard pill to swallow because this had never happened to me before. I honestly think about quitting races all the time in the middle of them when I'm feeling tired and defeated, but somehow manage to pull through. Not finishing left me feeling mad, disappointed and discouraged.

 First DNF :(

My next race was my first in the Minnesota Mountain Bike Series (MNMBS) at Mt Kato in Mankato. Basically another ski hill to climb. I raced in the 'sport' category, which is one step up from the beginner class of 'citizen'. I finished middle of the pack with the other women I raced and ended up winning my age group! Not too shabby for my first time out there.

 Teammates are awesome! #hubbabes

Over the next few weeks I have raced my mountain bike, not fat bike, at Buck Hill and finished each time! I've actually grabbed two 3rd place finishes and each week it seems to get a little better!

On our way for a weekend getaway!

This past Sunday was my second race of the MNMBS. It was in Duluth at Mission Creek and I made the decision to race in the 'elite' category. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into and was extremely nervous to think about riding with the top women! My concerns were also about my struggle to eat and drink while mountain biking and I wasn't sure how I would manage to do both of those during the 24 mile race. At this point I have also never rode 24 mountain bike miles without stopping. Sure I can do 100 miles on gravel/roads, but this is so different!

Friday and Saturday before the race were spent hanging out in Duluth with new friends! As a life long Minnesotan I am still not sure how I have never spent a weekend in Duluth. It was really fun, and awesome to be with other racers to pick their brains about strategy and techniques.

We were lucky enough to see two ships this day!

On race day the sky was gloomy and there was talk of it being cancelled due to rain. The sky cleared up as the start got closer and we were on as scheduled. I was my usual pre-race bundle of nerves and before I knew it we were off the start line!

The long slow climb up the paved road at the start was brutal! My legs already felt tired and the temperature and humidity were starting to rise. Once we got to the trail in the woods things got better. I spent the first lap trying to find my flow on the bike and being a little cautious. I've never rode at Mission Creek before so I wanted to make sure nothing caught me too off guard and rumor before the race was the bridges were slippery. I was nearing the end of the first lap when I crashed on one of the bridges. I am still not sure how I did it, but I feel like I just wasn't focused and rode right off of it! Hahaha! I still have to laugh about it a little. I got up quickly and kept going to finish the first lap.

The second lap involved the same long hill climb, but this time my legs felt warmed up so it didn't seem as bad. I also felt faster on the trail because I knew there wasn't anything I couldn't handle! Finishing the second and onto the third lap I somehow saved myself from a terrible crash due to late communication with another rider. I am not sure exactly what happened, but am so thankful I didn't go down!

The third climb up the long hill was once again painful. I was starting to feel really tired and I still had 8 miles to go. I managed to shove 4 shot blocks in my mouth along with some water before getting back on the trail. The last lap felt slow and the tiny climbs in the woods were almost too much. I didn't see any other women racers ahead or behind me, but that didn't mean I couldn't catch them, or they me, so I tried to keep a steady pace. Nearing the end of the lap there is a downhill, corner section of patio pavers in the trail we had to ride each time. They were super slippery and sketchy to navigate down. A rider behind me was so encouraging as I yelled back to him 'Sorry I'm so slow!' He replied 'It's okay' and then provided me with some guidance to safely get down. I was wishing he would have been there for the previous two laps! I was so close to the finish, with one left turn to make before exiting the woods, when my back tire slid out as I cornered, and I fell for the second time. Damn it!!! I was so close to being done! I got up feeling embarrassed and biked through the last turn to cross the finish line.

It was amazing coming in to the finish and having people cheer for you!! The guy that helped me during the paver section was even waiting to say good job to me :) I took 8th place out of 11 and finished in 2 hours and 9 minutes.

When asked how the race went I said my usual 'okay' initially and pointed out what didn't go well. After sharing my story with friends over the last few days I have since turned 'okay' into 'good'. I have received so much support and encouragement from people and it has really changed my perspective on things. I am accepting and allowing myself to be a beginner at mountain biking even though I hate to be the newbie or novice. I think of all the times I probably fell down when I learned how to walk. Right now I'm learning a different way to 'walk' and I know with time, practice and patience I will continue to improve and hope to give the badass, elite women a run for their money someday!

 Taking it one day at a time :)

Take Two

If my life was the movie Groundhog Day, then this is where it would all start over.....except it would be so much better!

Spring did arrive quite early and I have been able to stack a fair amount of training miles, including some decent hill rides out to Afton. Most of my riding time has been spent with my teammate, Loretta, and that proved to be so beneficial! If you don't know Loretta, all you need to know is that she is amazing and a badass! She is so strong and kicks my ass all the time, which I know helps make me a stronger rider!

Over Mother's Day weekend I was on schedule for my first century (100 mile ride) of the season, the Fulton Gran Fondo. This year was off to a great start as I completed the ride in under 6 hours. This was something I wasn't sure I could do and I was happy to look back over the ride and determine what went well, and not so well over the 100 mile course. Although I was pleasantly surprised by the Gran Fondo I was feeling overwhelmed with Almanzo looming ahead.

All smiles with Flat Stanley before the Fulton Gran Fondo

I was hoping to spend the week before Almanzo going on easy rides and hitting the yoga studio, but sometimes more important things in life happen and you end up putting minimal efforts towards either. Not knowing how my legs actually felt, or how I would perform being rested, is something I am not used to. I put faith in the previous week's ride, encouragement from friends and the base miles logged during March and April to carry me through the gravel and hills.

On Friday afternoon, Loretta and I set out to Spring Valley, MN for the Almanzo 100. We arrived at the hotel and got settled in before heading to registration. After picking up our race numbers and souvenir t-shirts we had dinner at The Pizza Place (yes, that is the actual name) and headed back to settle in for the night.

6am came way too early and I didn't feel very rested. I made some coffee and headed down to the hotel breakfast only to decide nothing looked good. After a few quick 'hellos' to friends I headed back to the room to eat the breakfast of oatmeal, strawberries, almonds and chia seeds I brought from home. Loretta and I decided to leave for the race around 8:20am so we would have plenty of time before the 9am start.

First breakfast

With less than 15 minutes before we were going to leave, the cloudy sky gave way to sprinkles which quickly turned to a steady mist. My desire to completely bail out on the ride was growing stronger with each raindrop.

 

Loretta's jersey won't be white for long!

 Flat Stanley was with me the whole way!

Luckily, the rain did end up being short lived, and stopped right before we rolled over to the start. Upon our arrival we began to see a lot of familiar faces of our teammates and friends. It was so awesome to see my Hub teammates at the starting line!

Some of the Hub babes before rollout

 Nervous smile before roll out

The race started shortly after 9 and we hit the pavement for a brief distance before making the turn for gravel. The rain had settled the dust on the course, but also created mud on the top layer, which resulted in plenty of muddy faces and butts for everyone that day. After hanging with a large pack for a few miles, Loretta and I made a move to start to get ahead of people. It was a little risky at times, due to the loose gravel we were plowing through, but we did finally get ahead and settled in to a quick pace. As the hills began I slowly started to lose Loretta and was working so hard to catch her on the downhills and flatter sections. When I felt like I couldn't chase her anymore I settled in to a slightly slower pace for a quick rest. I was soon picked up by a large group of riders and caught my relief at the end of the pace line.

I have no recollection of how long I kept riding with this group, or at what point we were no longer together, but I found myself rather solo during the middle section of the race. I skipped the first checkpoint at mile 40 and was hopeful I would not run out of water before the next one at mile 66. I had my fingers crossed that the farm, in between the two checkpoints, with water and a bathroom from last year would be open again for us.

When I passed the closed farm around mile 50, I realized how tired I was getting. Not having a consistent group to ride with was really wearing on me. And it seemed as though everyone was starting to pass me. I kept pedaling even though I felt incredibly slow and had started to question if I could even finish the race. As racers passed me I heard an all too familiar voice call out "Yo!, I'm just gonna sit back here and enjoy the view!" I only know one person with that distinctive of a voice. I laughed and answered back with "What's up, SK?" It was really awesome to see some friendly faces as he, Drew and others passed me.

Continuing on to the next checkpoint in Forestville was the most difficult part of the race. I knew I had enough food and water to get there, but my motivation was lacking and my frustration was starting to get the best of me. It was really muggy during the ride and many times due to wind, or my movements, my ponytail would get stuck to my neck, chest or arm and I would have to peel it off. It became so annoying that I found myself wishing I had a knife so I could just get rid of the damn thing! I was hot, sweaty, dirty, angry and tired!  I attempted to eat, but even that was more effort than I could muster. I knew this wasn't a good sign so instead tried to drink more water. Drinking seemed to help a little and also the thought of 'it's only 10 or so miles to go'.

As I approached Forestville I saw Loretta and my teammate Ben getting ready to leave. She asked "are you stopping?" And without hesitation I replied "no." I knew I was tired, but I also feared that if I got off my bike I wouldn't get back on. The next checkpoint was in Cherry Grove, which was only 10 miles further. I managed to survive those last 10 miles before Forestville so what's 10 more? Loretta pulled ahead of Ben and I quickly as we departed and I found myself wondering how she was staying so strong??? Then I started second guessing the whole 'only 10 miles' thing and if I could make it. But soon I saw a sign in the field for Cherry Grove. I was so relieved I was almost there.

I pulled up to the checkpoint at mile 76, set my bike down and was instantly overwhelmed! My breath became short, and I was tearful, and not sure how I was going to be able to ride the 24+ miles to the finish. I forced myself to take slow, deep breaths and reminded myself that I was okay. I also knew that I did not want to spend a lot of time at the stop so I needed to hustle. The whiskey and beer at the Banjo Brothers tent was flowing and very tempting, but I said no. Instead I opted for an electrolyte drink, a can of coke, ibuprofen and some potato chips. At this point I was actually questioning myself and my decisions ;) I rarely turn down race beers unless I am on the verge of losing my cool. I quickly peed, filled my water and decided to get back on my bike. As I was just about to leave Drew pulled in and asked "how you doing?" I could only shrug my shoulders and not say anything. He then asked "you okay?" I shook my head no and rolled out. Truth is, I felt terrible! I was ready to start sobbing and I was exhausted. My only hope was to somehow find a burst of energy to help carry me through to the finish.

To my surprise I quickly found that energy, and it was strong and powerful! Within a few miles everything had changed for the better. I felt amazing and started pushing hard. I started to think of what I had left to conquer in the race and I was able to turn those into mini markers of accomplishment. The river crossing was not too far after the Banjo Brothers tent and it felt wonderful to walk across in my shoes. I was tempted to even put my whole body in the water to help me cool off.

The next big challenge was Oriole Hill. Last year when I turned the corner and saw Oriole I immediately got off of my bike and walked it. This year I decided to attempt it rather than give up right away. I knew the worst thing that could happen by attempting it is that I would have to get off my bike part way up and walk the rest. I approached the hill and started to make the long, steep, steady climb. Looking down and seeing my speedometer say 3-4mph was definitely not a highlight, but I was getting there. And slowly, but surely I stayed on my bike and made it to the top!!! At the top I remember saying rather loudly "holy shit!" as I was feeling the burn for sure! I now 'only' had 10 more miles of the race to go!

Soon after Oriole Hill is another long, slow steep climb that felt equally as painful to get up and rewarding to get done. I was now on to the final push into the finish. The last 8 or so miles brought with it the headwind that I hadn't missed for most of the race. As a rider passed he offered to work with me through the wind. This worked for a few miles until I realized his pace was more than I could keep. I let him and another rider go and took one final rest. The last few miles passed slowly and I couldn't wait to get off my bike. I looked at the clock and knew that I did not have any time to spare if I was going to finish in under 7 hours. The cue cards (directions) and signs at the end were not super clear and against my better judgement I followed the riders ahead of me therefore missing the turn to the finish. I knew the direction I needed to go, but wasn't quite sure how to get there without backtracking. I finally saw the path to the finish across a grassy field and used it as a shortcut to get back on course. Once I was on the path I picked up the pace and gave one final hustle to the end. It felt amazing to be done! And I was pretty certain I finished in under 7 hours.

As soon as I finished I received a high 5 from Andy and a beer! I'd been waiting all race for a cold beer! I found my Hub teammates and congratulated those who finished ahead of me and waited for those behind me. I spent a few hours hanging out after the race before making the drive back home to soak in the tub and reflect upon my ride. 

So dirty!

And exhausted!

It's been a week since the race and I am still really tired! My official time ended up being 6 hours and 54 minutes! A sub 7 hour gravel century was something I hoped I could accomplish someday, but did not think it would be done at Almanzo. The more I think about my efforts and the ride, the happier I am with it all. Riding the gauntlet of emotions from not wanting to start, wanting to quit, finding strength when I really needed it, reminding myself I was getting paid (I did take vacation time for this), and knowing all along that I was okay, is a very powerful thing. Having another gravel century under my belt makes me incredibly proud, and happy to see that my hard work has yet again payed off! Next up is my revenge of (Westside) Dirty Benjamin!
-

Spring training

Spring has sprung! Sort of. As the snow falls outside and cold temperatures return, I am actually taking a little time to relax and attempt to write down my thoughts from recent weeks.

I managed to continue biking through the winter, although my efforts were mostly geared towards getting out to have beers/burritos/burgers/pizza with friends. But hey, it's better than nothing, right? 

And I can't forget about donuts as big as my face!

At Glam Doll Donuts

 

I did occasionally get out and do a little fat biking now and then, but nothing I would write home about. And no racing happened this winter.

 Photo credit: Mark Woker

One thing that did happen over winter is my yoga practice flourished. There was nothing better on a cold winter day than the warm yoga studio and getting super sweaty! Wanting, and needing, to grow my yoga practice was a big reason biking was on the back burner.

But, with the thaw of our mild winter, and the early arrival of spring, things have turned back into bikes, bikes and more bikes! I have signed my contract to race for The Hub Cycling Team and am really excited for my second season with them! Along with committing to the team, I have signed up for a few races. On the list so far are the Miesville 56, Fulton Gran Fondo, Almanzo 100, Westside Dirty Benjamin (WDB) and Riotgrrravel. Miesville will be brand new to me this year, but I have rode the course before. The other races will be opportunities for me to better my times from last year. It is both exciting and nerve wracking to think about right now, because I feel very unprepared.

One of the best and easiest ways I have started to prepare was to bring my race bikes into the shop for tune-ups. Who knew how difficult it was to ride with an almost seized bottom bracket!?!? Huge "THANK YOU!" to Morgan, at The Hub Bike Co-op, for his fast, friendly, non-judgmental service! And he has been absolutely right that the tune-ups will make me "so fast!" 

I couldn't believe how hard I was unnecessarily working to ride her

On a quick side note, I have to introduce Flat Stanley. 

 Flat Stanley on his first bike ride

He was made for me, by my nephew Zach, to bring out on all my bike adventures. Flat Stanley has made it out on a few rides with me and I am hoping to bring him out more so stay tuned! It makes me so incredibly happy to hear how excited Zach is when he gets an update from Flat Stanley and me!

Alright, back to training. Over the last few weeks I have been able to gradually increase my mileage. It hasn't been super easy, but I know I just need to keep putting the wheels in motion, and get time in on the saddle. The first weekend of March, I was able to do back to back days of riding of 35 and 40 miles. It felt painfully good and my hip flexors and hamstrings have been reawakened. I definitely didn't miss feeling those tight suckers all winter. A few days later involved a rather drawn out day of riding, with many stops, for a total of 60 miles. I reached my number that day, but knew I needed to condense it all down and not take so many breaks.

I finally met my first goal of 60+ miles last week. I headed out towards St Paul with a route idea in mind that would take me all the way back over to St Louis Park before heading home. I took one long break at the Depot Coffee House for a warmup with a latte and delicious oatmeal-strawberry-cherry bar, and I ended my Friday ride with 63 miles. The wind made the ride very challenging, as I could never figure out which way it was coming from, but I am super happy I stuck it out and did it! And I kept telling myself that nothing could be as brutal as the conditions of WDB 2014. 

One thing I have forgotten from last year is how hungry and tired I get at the start of the season as I build my endurance. I am working on taking things easy and getting back into training mode. This means early bedtimes, better nutrition and fewer late nights/social hours than this winter, but I feel ready for it! I'm looking forward to pushing myself this year to see what I can accomplish and I will do my best to share my stories on the blog as they unfold :)

Riotgrrravel

Coming out of Westside Dirty Benjamin I was really struggling to put it all behind me, and move on to my next ride, Riotgrrravel the following Saturday. The day after WDB was rainy and dreary, and instead of a morning ride I opted for snuggles with Lucy on the couch.

 #1 Snuggler

 I was definitely not feeling up to battling the elements to ride and decided to play it by ear as the day went on. The afternoon gave way to better weather and I decided to tackle cleaning all the dirt, mud, sand, leaves and who knows what else off of Greta. This proved to be quite a challenging task, but I was happy to get it done and out of the way.

 So dirty!

With the gorgeous evening unfolding I set out for a sunset ride. I took one of my go to loops in the city that is roughly 20 miles and sends me east to west across Minneapolis. It is quick, easy and allows me to enjoy the sun setting on the Minneapolis skyline. My legs were feeling okay and I didn't have too many body aches from the day before. My only complaint was some pain in my achilles tendon, which I tried to brush off for the first few miles. After no improvement in my discomfort I decided it wasn't worth it to keep riding so I cut my ride short and skipped out on the lakes loop in Uptown.

By Tuesday, I was recovered and ready to make my first bike trip to Stillwater. I was riding with Dave and neither of us had ever taken this route, but we had a general idea of where we needed to go, and kind of an idea of how to get there. Navigating out of St Paul was rather tricky due to construction and endless amounts of detours that seemed to lead us in circles. We finally found the Gateway Trail, but had to hike through someone's yard to actually get on it. Once on the trail, the directions were super easy and we soon found ourselves taking the long descent down towards the river. So fun and so fast to fly down!!! We stopped for lunch and cocktails along the river before turning around for home.

After our meal and drinks, the massive hill climb to get out of the city was not fun! We both decided we had eaten too much food, and the addition of the day's heat had us both riding a little slow. Thankfully, we both bounced back pretty quickly and our navigation home through St Paul was much better. After we parted ways I met up with Zach, Sam and Corey for a little Tuesday night ride. Nothing too crazy, just all around good times :)

 Sam the explorer

I logged roughly 88 miles for the day and my legs were feeling it by the time I made it home for the night. It was a great day spent entirely on my bike!

Riotgrrravel was fast approaching and I needed to start working on my game plan. I knew it was time to keep things pretty easy and low key so my legs would be rested for Saturday's race. So Wednesday was a short bike ride to softball practice that quickly turned into beers, burgers and baseball on t.v.

Keeping it classy!

Thursday came and went with rain and no biking, but a very good, much needed yoga class. I was in search of mental clarity and one of the best ways to achieve that is on my mat. Yoga is where I practice pushing my mental, physical and emotional limits; where I sweat out the frustration and stress of life and recharge my mind, body and soul. It was a challenging class and it was exactly what I needed! With a clear mind, and sore abs, I was ready to head into pre-race day.

Friday morning started out normal, but as the day unfolded I couldn't help but become more and more superstitious about racing the following day. I rode my usual loop from home so I could check out the flood situation around Minnehaha Creek. With all of the recent rain, most of the trail was underwater, and even some of the city streets had standing water. I honestly cannot get over how fast the creek is flowing! I pulled into Sea Salt for a quick glimpse of the wrath of Minnehaha Falls! Absolutley amazing! If you have not seen it you need to!!!

 Minnehaha Falls

I moved on and made my way to the lakes in Uptown before heading home. I couldn't help but stop and snap a photo of these ducks taking full advantage of the flooded creek :)

Duck rager!

After making my way back home I decided to tackle the household task of cleaning the gutters out. No big deal, right?? Wrong! I almost fell off the ladder three times and actually hurt my shoulder during the whole ordeal. You would think yoga or biking would be the more likely cause of a minor injury, but I guess not! Lamest way to get injured and grossest thing I have ever done! Also, another reminder of why I hate yard work! I went into the house to clean up only to realize the power was out. Did I cause this to happen or just a coincidence? A quick phone call to mom for some advice, a notification to Xcel, and thankfully, within an hour the power was back on. I needed to finish getting Greta prepped and ready to ride in the morning so I brought her outside, and I figured Lucy could use a little sunshine too. Everything was fine until Lucy was startled in the yard. She ran her fat little butt so fast into the house and down the stairs to hide that I was worried she was bitten by something. I ran after her only to find her laying on her side and not moving. I immediately thought: is she going to die?, did something bite her?, where is the emergency vet? I managed to pull her out from under the stairs only to see that during her freak out she somehow managed to get her front leg tangled in her collar. What a drama queen!!! After removing her collar and giving her a little massage she was back to normal and I could get back to prepping my bike.

I was settling into the evening and running through a list of things I needed for the morning when I received a text from Maddie. She had just picked up a new bike and was wanting to take it for its first ride. So I hopped on the saddle and headed up to her place. It is a pretty quick ride, and is usually uneventful, but due to a little miscommunication I almost rear ended an SUV. I'm going to share the blame with the driver on that one. Thankfully, it was just a close call and nobody was hurt. I arrived in one piece to Maddie's and we decided to ride to Minnehaha Falls for ice cream. After a lot of bike talk and life talk it was starting to get dark so we began to roll home. We took the trails to Lake Hiawatha to catch a glimpse of the beautiful sunset.

Wow!

With roughly 40 miles of easy riding for the day, I arrived home around 10pm to do one last check of my gear and to finalize my game plan. My last two races were with AJ, but I was going to Riotgrrravel completely solo. My team name this time was simply: 'a babe'. He is usually the one to decide when we leave, and he packs most of the tools and supplies so I don't have much to figure out. Without all the prerace questions and pressure from him I was feeling a little lost. I was just about ready for bed when I decided to check the event page on facebook. Oh shit!!! Due to all the rain and flooding, they had changed the route of the course! There were two upsides to the route change: the mileage was knocked down from 33 to 30 miles, and less hills-I'm not going to complain about either of those changes. However, in my efforts to be ready for the race I rode the route a few weeks ago and I knew what to expect. This last minute change made me super nervous and left a lot of unknowns. By now I was feeling more than done with this whole day! I don't remember the last time I have had such a strange, off day and I was hoping this wasn't a sign of how the race would go in the morning. I messaged AJ about the route change and after getting some good advice I was off to bed.

I rolled out of bed a little after 5 and went about my normal pre-ride routine.

 First breakfast

Everything was going great until I went to get dressed just before leaving. I put my pigtails in, shorts on, sports bra on, but hesitated to pick out my jersey. I initially grabbed the jersey I rode in for Dirty Benjamin, but couldn't shake the terrible feelings that came along with my last ride in it. I know it seems really ridiculous to think the jersey had anything to do with my struggles, but after yesterday I didn't want to take any risks. I needed Riotgrrravel to go well for me. I needed to feel prepared and confident, and I just couldn't ride in that jersey. So I opted for my green argyle jersey that I rode the Fulton Gran Fondo in. The Gran Fondo went so well and I still remember how amazing I felt when I was finished. I was hoping I would feel equally as amazing after Riotgrrravel.

I was right on schedule when I left the house and headed towards Hastings. It still felt really weird to be going to a ride alone. I stopped at Emily's Bakery and Deli to check in and I was given my race number and new cue sheets (directions) for the course. I settled in to have a donut and coffee before heading off to the starting area.

I arrived and took Greta out of the car for final adjustments before roll out. After getting my number pinned on I decided to set out for a little warmup ride. I was feeling super nervous and wanted to get some of that energy out before we started. I knew that since this race was only 30 miles I couldn't take the first 10 miles easy like I did for Almanzo and Dirty Ben. I also wanted to get away from the starting area where more and more riders were showing up. I rode out a few miles to get a feel of the gravel and stopped to stretch before heading back. I arrived back to the starting line and was stoked to see so many women, and a handful of men, out to ride! Riotgrrravel is a fantastic event because it is geared towards getting more women involved in gravel racing/riding, which is definitely a male dominated sport.

We were off the starting line shortly after 9:30, and I was on a full out sprint. As I started out I had no idea who, if anyone, was on my tail. I wanted to start out strong to get ahead of the pack and see how long I could maintain my pace. If/when I was passed I was planning to latch on to the lead group for as long as I could. As we got a few miles into the race no one had passed me yet. I was very surprised by this because I knew there were some very strong female riders in my company.

Get it girls!

Around mile 5, Loretta pulled up next to me and said 'Holly, you cannot pull the whole race.' She was so right! I was already feeling tired from the chase behind me and I realized it was my turn to settle in to the pace line. There were 5 of us in the lead group-4 ladies and one guy. Once I settled into the back of the line I was able to take a deep breath and relax a little. We were keeping a pretty fast pace, but this break allowed me to rest while others in the group took their turns to pull. Since I am accustomed to riding mostly by myself, whether it is for training rides or my other races, this kind of pack riding is fairly new to me. It was a really nice change to share the work load and be able to draft off of others. I started to wonder if we would stay together as a pack for the whole race or if someone would make a push to try and pull away.

I wanted to settle into a slightly slower pace around mile 10, but told myself it was only 30 miles, and I was 1/3 of the way done. At mile 15, I was pretty excited that we were halfway done and at mile 20, 2/3 done. I found it super helpful to take the race in small chunks and to remind myself it was more of a sprint race than endurance ride. Mile 25 came and went and no one had yet to make any moves to take the lead. Being new to this I decided to sit back and wait to see what happened with the group. If they took off I was ready to go with, but I was also more than happy to stay at our current pace. I took one look at my cue card to see where our final turns would take us and I started to develop my plan.

With a few miles to go, I started to increase my pace to see what would happen. Since I have absolutely no idea what my sprinting capabilities are I figured this was a good time to find out. I moved to the opposite (wrong) side of the road, where the gravel seemed smoother, and started to speed up. I was feeling strong and this was a good move until a truck came up over the hill right at me! I had to quickly slow down and move to the right side of the road. Now, I realize we are riding on public roads, but this truck caught me completely off guard and really threw off my momentum. I know I wasn't the only one affected by this as the whole group had to make adjustments. We quickly all got back up to speed and made our final sprints to the finish line. I realized I didn't have much of a sprint in me at this point and I watched the other girls and guy pull ahead of me. I felt a little bummed by this, but I know I gave it my best shot.

I came in 4th place female, and 5th place overall, with a total time of 1 hour, 32 minutes and 16 seconds for 30.5 miles. The time difference between the 5 of us was only 12 seconds from 1st to 5th place. I was definitely happy with this finish! I was however a little irritated that the guy made a solid effort to out-sprint me at the end. I mean, come on!!! Let the girls have their glory day!!! He did beat me fair and square, but thankfully the other ladies kept it an all female podium :) Awesome work by Alix, Chelsea and Loretta for such a strong finish! And a huge thank you to Ellie and her family for organizing the event! Riotgrrravel was everything I needed and wanted it to be. The gravel, weather and course could not have been better! It truly was gravel redemption after Dirty Ben and a great reminder of why I have fallen in love with gravel racing!

Westside Dirty Benjamin

“I am doing this!” That was the message I sent to AJ at mile 55, and it became my motivation to finish the hardest bike ride I have ever done. I know I claimed Almanzo 100 to be my hardest ride ever, but Westside Dirty Benjamin easily takes the cake!

To understand why this ride was so challenging, I need to start at mile 0 and with a little background. The Westside Dirty Benjamin (WDB) is a 100 mile, self-supported gravel road race. Self-supported means you are responsible for yourself and you pack it in, you pack it out. You must ride with the necessary items to complete the ride-food, water, tools, whatever you want or think you might need. Luckily, we were allowed to bring a drop bag that would be waiting for us at mile 55 with items to refuel and rehydrate. Knowing this, I tried to pack my bike with just the right amount of food, and only necessary tools to get me through the first half of the race. What I didn’t know about this day is that the majority of the riders would not make it to their drop bags.  The WDB course itself is a mix of mostly gravel, some technical trails, cyclocross terrain, and a little pavement to round it out. Registration for the ride was open to the first 400 people to mail in their postcard over the last few months. When it came to race day, only 189 of the registered riders made it to the starting line. The weather was ominous and rain was inevitable. How bad the weather would get is almost indescribable. 

Team #abeardandababe ready to roll out!

 

We rolled out of the start shortly after 8am. The first 7 miles of the race were on dirt trails and through a wooded area that resembled a minimum maintenance road. I had left AJ almost from the start, as we had to stop and form a single file line to get onto the trail. The trail was overgrown with weeds/grass and had plenty of standing water and mud to boot. The group I was with seemed to be having similar struggles navigating the terrain, and while it was fun to get nice and dirty early on, we were all very curious to see the effects of this on our bikes later in the ride.  We rolled out of the woods and up a giant grassy hill, and onward to our gravel adventure. After the race was over I found out that a large group of people, AJ included, took a wrong turn during this section and added an extra 3+ miles onto their route. 

The next 15 miles or so were good, as I cannot remember much about them. I tried to get a little food in me and find other riders to keep pace with. Things quickly changed around mile 25 when the wind picked up and the rain started. At first the rain was slightly refreshing, but as it picked up in intensity it soon became painful, and I quickly became cold. It felt like little daggers stabbing me as I counter balanced against the crosswind. There were at least two times that I thought my bike was going to be swept out from underneath me. I’ve never been taken down by wind before, and hopefully never will, but it was definitely something that was on my mind. The wind was so brutal that it was actually blowing snot right out of my nose! Ew! With all my energy focused on controlling my bike, it became almost impossible to eat or drink while riding and I desperately needed to refuel. I decided on a PB&J rice cake and only lost a small portion of it to the wind.  

 At mile 36, for the first time that day, I remember questioning my intentions and desire to continue the race. Only problem was I had already passed the bailout point at mile 29. I continued to push on, and did make one brief stop with another rider, Dave (I think), to try and adjust my front brake. I struggled with the mechanics because my hands were so cold that I could not grasp the lever and nut to tighten it properly. Thankfully he was able to get it tightened for me and we were off on our way again. Unfortunately, the adjustment didn’t fix the brake problem and it remained an issue on and off throughout the entire ride. The struggles kept coming as we pushed through. Not only were the wind and rain merciless, but so was the gravel. Easiest way to describe it is organic peanut butter- super soft and squishy and your tires sank right in. It was like riding on sand at the beach, minus the fun and sunshine. Every once in a while there would be a little hard packed gravel to accelerate through, but most of it required pushing through.

By now I was approaching mile 45 and knew my drop bag was awaiting me in 10 miles. Woo! Only 10 miles until I get a break! I caught up to two riders and decided to roll with them into the checkpoint. One of the guys was battling a broken cleat on his shoe and had decided to call it quits when we got there. Talk about adding insult to injury for him! We did have a slight reprieve, as the wind and rain were finally starting to let up and things were getting a little better. At this point I received a text message on my phone, and immediately thought of AJ.  I was hoping he was doing okay through all of this, and I also knew if it was him and something bad had happened, he would have called me. I decided to wait to check the message until I stopped to refuel since we were so close. At mile 50 we came across a huge snapping turtle that no doubt could have popped a tire if it was allowed to strike. I briefly wondered what other creatures I would encounter on this day as I embraced the beauty of the countryside over the next 5 miles.

We rolled into checkpoint and I was so happy to get off of my bike for a little bit. I had cold water, a banana, half of a sandwich, and the rest of my supplies waiting for me. 

Checkpoint arrival J

 

The awesome volunteers were there cooking up hot dogs, re-lubing bike chains, and providing emotional support. There was a cooler of Coke and New Belgium Ranger beer (my favorite) to help ourselves to. The decision to have a beer was a no brainer since there was no way it could hurt me at this point. I was finally able to read AJ’s text message saying “I bailed out at mile 40 and am at the finish. You’re absolutely nuts!!! I’m here for you, call me if you need ANYTHING!!! If you get this please give me a heads up that you’re ok and planning to finish.” I was jealous of the warm car he was sitting in, and was secretly wishing I had bailed out too. It was at this point I took a picture of my beer and sent the message ‘Check point. I’m doing this!!!’

 

Carb loading at its finest!

 

“I’m okay”

 

It was then and there that I decided I was going to finish this race. I figured it couldn’t get any worse than it had already gotten! I slammed my beer, stuffed my food in, picked up Greta (my bike) and was ready to roll. On my way out the volunteers mentioned to me that I was only the second female to make it through, to which I replied “Fuckin’ right!!”

The next portion started out as another singletrack/mud trail through the woods, and I was able to ride most of it. The short sections I had to walk involved many mosquito bites and thick mud. Thankfully, this trail wasn’t very long and I was quickly back to the grind. I spent the next 15 or so miles feeling awesome! Things were going well, I was maintaining a decent pace, and I was making progress! I reached the Luce Line and caught up to a guy I rode into checkpoint with, and had a brief conversation about the mud we just rode through. At this point I could tell my bike was definitely hurting from all the mud, water and sand, but there was nothing I could do about it except continue to pedal. The Luce Line was amazing! It was fast, shaded, protected from the wind, and the gravel was fairly hard packed. At one point, I caught glimpse of a black cat on the side of the trail and thought of my own kitty, Lucy. The cat didn’t actually cross my path, but maybe it was a sign of things to come. I kept pedaling and soon I was 70 miles in. I decided to snack at this point so I could keep my energy up. 

The route eventually led to a paved trail for about a half mile and then at the end of the path ‘BRAAPP’ was written in chalk leading you straight into the tall grass. It was another cyclocross/mud trail and the absolute last thing I wanted to deal with! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about getting dirty while biking, but this was the first straw that almost broke the camel’s back. This time I was only able to do a few pedal strokes before getting stuck or spinning out in the mud and having to unclip and walk for a portion. When the terrain seemed to improve, I would get back on and try again only to have the same thing happen again and again and again. I remember this is when I started muttering things out loud. I remember saying “this is so stupid” and “are you fucking kidding me????”  This section was less than a mile long, but seemed to take forever to get through. I looked back at one point, and noticed someone else struggling behind me. I felt their pain and I am sure they felt mine too. A slight redemption came after this when we were able to roll along on glorious paved roads for a handful of miles. It felt incredible to comfortably pedal my bike and make progress.

And then the darkness came. Around mile 75 is where things went from bad to worse for me. Everything became a struggle! The gravel was super soft, the headwind was 20-30mph and I was feeling so defeated! I could barely get my speed above 12mph and it seemed I was often going 7mph. For me this is not a fast enough pace. I tried everything I could think of from altering my pedal stroke, shifting my gears, riding a different spot on the road, changing handlebar positions, to eating. NOTHING HELPED!!! I struggled like this for what seemed like an eternity. I remember saying to myself over and over that “something has got to give!” It truly needed to and thankfully, for brief periods on and off, it did. Whether it was harder packed gravel, a short downhill coast or the awesome guy that helped pull me through the wind, there were small patches of light. I remember him telling me that “I was keeping a good pace.” I replied “thank you, but I am really struggling.” I held onto his pull for as long as I could and was so thankful for his help when I could no longer keep up. I watched him get farther and farther away from me until I could no longer see him. 

I remember at many different points not seeing anyone else in front of me and no one behind me. I was all alone! This wasn’t anything new for the race since I rode most of it by myself, but it was the first time I really realized how much I needed someone else for encouragement. AJ had posted earlier on facebook that he took the bailout and that I must have completely lost my mind because I was going to continue and finish the race. With this post came multiple emails that caused my phone to chime. Having no idea what any of the emails said, I took each chime and used it as encouragement from someone to keep going and to stay strong. I thought of my favorite cheerleader, Cara, and her words of encouragement from the previous night, and used them as long as I could. I pictured how hard she would cheer for me if she were here and actually laughed a little to myself because of where my mind was going. Soon the emails and texts were no longer enough to encourage me. The chime of my phone was making me mad and with the madness came more random outbursts. After the fourth or fifth unread text message that came in I recall yelling “Damn it AJ! Stop texting me!” I honestly had no idea if they were even from him. At this point, I was feeling like I would never be done, and I feared it was him asking me how long I would still be. I remember thinking, “he has absolutely no idea what I am going through right now!” Each text felt like more and more pressure to know how I was doing, where I was or if I was okay. I honestly didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. After a few more messages came in, I finally pulled out my phone to see who they were from. They weren’t all from AJ, so then I felt like an asshole for being mad at him. One of the messages from AJ did state he thought my friend Parker had won the singlespeed category. I remember very loudly yelling ‘I don’t give a flying fuck about Parker!!!’ After this outburst, I realized my own personal defeat. It wasn’t anyone’s fault I was struggling-this was still my decision to continue on. I could still call AJ and bail myself out of this mess. Being angry at others wasn’t going to get me to the finish line faster; it was only going to deplete the remaining energy I had. And I was still determined!

I knew I needed to find comfort in the discomfort I was feeling. To do this, I drew upon the strength I have developed from my yoga practice. I reminded myself that my mind will give up much sooner than my body will. I reminded myself that this is temporary and the accomplishment will be worth it. And I was getting closer to the end! I had roughly 12 miles to go and even at my slow pace I would be done in an hour. I had come so far at this point that bailing out wasn’t an option. I thought of the two previous centuries I did and again reminded myself that I signed up for this. I wanted to do this! I was going to do this! I was doing this! I thought of all my family and friends that have supported me during this and provided so many encouraging words that I could not stop now. If I quit I would not only be disappointing myself, but I would have felt like I let others down as well. I wasn’t causing any harm to myself; I was just struggling. 

This mindset was strong for a few more miles and then was tested again. At mile 93 I became borderline hysterical. The road I was riding seemed as if it would never end, and the gravel was extra soft. All I wanted to do was coast down a hill and gain some momentum, but the wind made that impossible. I started to feel panicked and my eyes welled with tears. I was so close, but so far away from being done. I wanted nothing more than to get off my bike, throw it down and stand on the side of the road and weep. This is a terrible feeling that has only happened to me a few other times on my bike. This was how I felt when AJ and I did our Easter ride in which I struggled tremendously, and second guessed signing up for any of the three centuries. I thought about how much harder this has been for me than Almanzo ever seemed. I realized this is the place that no one ever wants to get to. And I knew I needed to somehow get myself out of this dark, dark hole. I started by slowing my pace down even more and with that I was able to slow my breathing. I was so close to being done that it no longer mattered how long it would take me to finish. I told myself to calm down and continued to focus on my breath. Even if it took me another hour, I was going to accomplish this. I decided to distract myself with music and turned on ‘The Heist’ by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis to power me home. ‘Ten thousand hours’ became my final motivation to keep spinning.

The final 7ish miles were all road riding! Thank goodness! I hit the pavement and started pushing the cranks as hard as I could. I was going to finish strong or completely die trying! A few miles from the end the rain started again, and I was sad to see all the mud and dirt wash off of me. I worked really hard to get that dirty, and I was looking forward to having a picture to prove it. Since I wasn’t wearing glasses the rain made it really hard to see and my eyes were stinging. I came barreling into the finish as fast as I could and I could not have been happier to be done! I received congratulations from the race organizers and was told I was 36^th to finish. I felt pretty happy about that and rumor had it that I was the 2^nd or 3^rd female to finish. AJ was there to snap the evidence of my hard work and I’m so happy to have that photo!!

WDB finisher 2014!!!

 

It has taken me a long time to process and decompress from Westside Dirty Benjamin. After the race, I discovered how extreme the weather became while I was riding. Trees were knocked down and wind gusts reached over 60mph at times! No wonder I was almost blown off my bike! I realize now it was probably a little unsafe to be riding in those conditions, but at the time I was lost in the task at hand. WDB was a mental, physical and emotional challenge for me. I am ecstatic to have this ride in the books because I DID IT!!!! This is a huge accomplishment that I am extremely proud of! What I am not proud of is the darkness, struggles and craziness involved in my finish, and the mild case of pink eye I contracted after the race. I wish I could say it will always be the hardest race I have ever done, but there is no way of knowing the biking challenges ahead. Each race comes with unknown risks and benefits, and I feel more prepared to take anything on after finishing WDB. I have become so much stronger through all of my efforts, but it has not been easy to admit my own temporary defeat inside an amazing accomplishment.

The results of the 2014 Westside Dirty Benjamin are in. Of the 189 riders that showed up, there were 88 finishers. I was 36^th overall and placed 2^nd out of 9 females in the women’s open category. My odometer clocked roughly 102 miles with a total race time of 7 hours and 48 minutes and an on bike time of 7 hours 30 minutes. To those who finished-CONGRATS!!! Amazing, awesome, crazy, hard work! To those who bailed: I don’t blame you because that sucked! You made the right decision for you and that is all that matters! After all of this, I can’t say that I am looking forward to riding the Westside Dirty Benjamin in 2015, but I will be there! And I hope Mother Nature will be a little nicer to all of us!